Talk to me about fear.
It’s twisting me up right now. I can’t tell the difference between anticipation and fear. It’s in my head, all this mess.
I’m not afraid of something going wrong. I’m terrified of it going right. I’m being swept up in this momentum (one of my fave words ever) and I know it’s in progress and now I’m like wt do I do now? I’m also fearful fear will stop me from achieving. I know how ridiculous that sounds but hey I’ve never claimed I was a rational being ;)
No-one tells you when a dream might become reality, we can stumble.
I can imagine this, I can see this stretching out before me but it’s such an unknown road. I feel like I was on a quiet country road and I’m about to move onto a six lane superhighway in a country I’ve never seen.
When something has momentum how do you stop it? You can’t really. I can either get out of the way, step back for a bit, or hold on tight. Option 1 is not an option. I’d rather f up spectacularly than not follow my heart. Leaving option 2 or 3. Option 2 feels like a cop out right now, haven’t I been complaining about holding myself back? So it’s option 3 and that’s what led to fear.
Someone told me take it one step at a time. After all, even on a superhighway it’s one metre at a time. One revolution of the wheels. And never lose focus.
This fear is a distraction. It’s how to lose focus. I’ve always thought of it as a bit more significant than a pesky mosquito but perhaps not. Anything can be a distraction can’t it? So why not our fears? Just because we feel something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s powerful, or real. A distracting emotion has no power. It’s like a pseudo-emotion. It’s not the real thing because the real thing is useful. A distraction is simply irritating.
If fear is a distraction I can ignore it for now. But don’t we ignore fears at our own peril; won’t fear come and slap me if I’m not vigilant and respect it? Writing that sentence though, I realise how mad thinking like that is. Look at me.. I’m such a muppet… even though I know I’m being distracted, I keep trying to give it some power.
All I can do is try and not stumble so much. If I don’t lose focus and take it one step at a time maybe, even on a superhighway, I’ll not be distracted by fear. In which case bring on the momentum, like a rocket baby :)