Grrr. This is how life has been feeling for me lately. Like I’m shedding skin but in a grumpy, restless, bone shaking way.
For the last five days I’ve woken up and thought I’m over it. Over what I’ve no damn idea. I’ve just no patience this week and it’s been a cool week too. Excellent things have happened and yet I keep waking up thinking like this.
I want to scream. And stamp my foot. And say wtf? …. a lot. I like my life so why doesn’t it fit me properly this week?
I’m just restless, irritable and frustrated. Not that anyone would know really. I’m not feeling that way about the humans, just about me and I’m not unhappy.
It’s dawn and beautiful. The sky is blazing pink and thunderous purple and I feel like its mocking me. How good is this and I’m over it?
And all this started when I read this quote:
“At the root of every large struggle in life is the need to be honest about something that we do not feel we can be honest about. We lie to ourselves or other people because the truth might require action on our part, and action requires courage. We say we “don’t know” what is wrong, when we do know what is wrong; we just wish we didn’t.
I’m over all the boundaries and little boxes I’ve made to house me. I’m sick of the body armour. I’m beyond tired of it.
I feel naked. Not a bad thing, given it’s a metaphor ;) The thing is when we’re naked everything touching our skin is a little more raw and intense. The lightest touch can feel like a slap and the softest breeze like a typhoon. It’s all a bit more real. And you know what? It’s a beautiful thing. I’ve not been appreciating the quality of vulnerability and rawness, I forgot in being over it, I’m still here.
And because I’m me, I’m smiling now.
So this is the way it goes down this week.
One little wet dog, shaking off some boundaries, shaking off some old weight.
Over it? Oh man I think it’s just beginning.