Ouch. One of my friends said to me yesterday you have to start saying yes. She said it because my work is winning at the moment and instead of backing off on that, I’ve said no to things outside of work. I’ve said no to the fun stuff, so I can say yes in my 9-5 world. So you know, ouch.
I’ve my balance so ass around I couldn’t see it. I’ve missed out on a lot in the last few months, all those early nights and skipped parties because I was dog-tired and no fun. By Friday night I was at work and then heading home, too tired to do much more than catch the ferry to the island (lol well Manly really). Two Sunday afternoons in tears and I still couldn’t see what was happening. The thing is everyone in my company works like me, in fact I probably work the least hardest in my team. Still the art of balance is my responsibility, no-one else’s.
Saying yes at work is a strange thing to do when I know I’m outgrowing my job. There is a disconnect between who I am and what I do. I don’t mind that, it’s gentle, but it’s left me with a vague sense of unease and fatigue. When we’re lost we can’t really discern what works for us so we try to connect with pretty much anything; we’re scattered. The problem is, I’m not lost and I’m not scattered. So, the less scattered I am, the harder it is to connect with what isn’t me and that’s where it gets tiring.
Obviously saying no isn’t working. I just didn’t know it until my lovely friend pointed it out, exactly when I was drinking a cocktail called ‘Yes Please’ (it’s vodka, passionfruit, lime and vanilla). You think the universe was telling me something?! Hell yeh.
This disconnected life has been fine up until now. Kind of. The last few months have been all about awareness. Awareness just isn’t enough now. Awareness is waking up but it’s not the same as being awake and engaged. To connect to what I want I have to say yes even when I’m dog-tired and want to curl up in a ball, not play ball.
Committing to yes means I’m not so tired because I’m committing to connection not disconnection. I like that. It makes sense to me. So I guess, to go all Anthony Robbins, it’s time to walk the walk. Probably off a cliff knowing me but hey muppets can fly right? And I’ve a lovely cape ;)