Fuck fear is hard work.
We’re all so hung up on it. It permeates so much of what I read and understand. It’s not just the news, it’s not only the war in Syria or JP Morgan going pear-shaped and austerity in the EU, it’s on blogs I read and in poetry. It’s seems all the world is talking about it or behaving from a place of fear. I’m not talking about real physical fear, not like that dude is about to put a cap in my ass yo!, I’m talking about the fears in our heads. The ones the media seems to play upon and the ones we perpetuate.
It’s like none of us can envision a life without fear. I’m pretty fearless these days when it comes to the physical stuff and I’m not too bad about the ordinary fears either but I’m still roped up in double knots by some things.
Seriously fucking grrrr.
I’m furious (hence the swearing, lol sometimes a well placed fuck is the best thing ever). It’s utterly ridiculous to allow concepts we create in our minds to constrain us. We create our own fears and it’s all make-believe. Technicolor prisons, which most of the time we can’t even see are there, binding us to irrationality and a life half lived. I want to cry with the horror of it.
Oh holy man…who made this story up?
How did we get from paleo human, designed not to fear anything more real than a sabre tooth tiger, a lack of food and a busted limb, to this socially evolved human so focused on the individual experience in society, we believe we have no choice but to create our own fears. We fear we’re not good enough, perfect enough, thin enough, smart enough. We fear based on comparison with others and we think it’s ok.
Omg it’s not.
Let’s get real about what fear is. Fear is not worry. Worrying is concern about a future outcome, but it never prevents us from understanding life will continue to unfold as it will. Worrying doesn’t mean we stop. Fear does. It’s paralysing. It’s stops us and keeps us in our cage.
I want a world where what we fear are those things real enough to threaten the very breath in our body. The fears helping us to physically survive. For example if I’m a baby and I’m left alone and I think my parents aren’t coming back? That’s a real physical fear because I’m helpless. Worrying about breaking my leg because I’m jumping off a cliff? Fair enough. These types of fears have a real physical element because there is an inherent risk to our survival. Fearing it’s not ok to speak my mind? Or I’m not thin enough? Are you kidding me? ! These aren’t fears, these are bloody indulgences. So what if you talk to a girl in the bar and she thinks you’re a douche. Far out, whatever. It happened once it’s not a fear. I promise you’ll survive. Same as public speaking. It’s a talk in front of some other humans and if it all turns to toast what’s the worst that could happen? Nothing threatening my survival. I can’t die from a red face and clammy hands, much as I may have thought so :) Stuff like this doesn’t deserve the status of fear. It’s not so fucking special.
I could say we need to know fear to know safety but frankly fuck that too. Safety is another comfort zone and, if we let it be, it’s another virtual prison for our souls. I don’t want either fear or safety. I don’t want black and white, two sides of a dubious coin with only two outcomes and a 50/50 chance of one or the other. I want a pure open heart where the only thing I fear is a threat to my physical existence or any other living creatures, and where I feel safe because whatever happens, I trust me.
I want to recognise what I fear emotionally and then I want to confront it – preferably softly, gently and with a little persuasion – but I want it all in front of me. I want to see the opponent I call fear and the stories I’ve built around it, then I want to let it all go. I’ve a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger on my fridge with the word conquer written on it. I want to stand there like Arnie, arms open to victory, knowing my ability to manifest these types of fears is conquered. I want this for all of us.
I don’t ever want to see another situation in my life messed up by some Jane-created fear I have. I don’t want to pay lip service to something I want, knowing a fear I made up will hold me back. I want to wear all my wounds in the moment and move on. I don’t want to drag these into the future, turning these into something to fear. Something happened to us once and we’re so arrogant as to think it will happen again- so we decide we’ve something to fear? Arghhh…
If we don’t try to understand what fears we’ve created, if I don’t, I’ll end up regretting what I could have done. And that regret? It won’t be because I didn’t have the money, time, whatever. Horrendously, I’d be telling myself I regretted it because of fear. How fucking heartbreaking would that be? A life lived with regret because I feared things I made up in my mind? What a senseless waste of the potential of a human life.
So I say fuck it, go be fear-less, go dig around in your soul, find the bars of your cage of make-believe and smash it to bits. Just go and be all Arnold about it :)
I wrote this post last night and I’m not so angry today lol! Less Arnie and more me. Curiously, some of my fears have already come into focus for me today. Without really consciously deciding to, I wasn’t all about confront and conquer, I just felt thankful for the knowledge and the experience and let the ideas drift away. It’s only us after all, who hold on tightly to our fears, so it’s only us who can let our hands unfurl and let our fears drift away.